A black slave

 

I was on the ship. It was really hot. Probably because we were 60 people, on one small ship. I was starving, everyone was. All we got was a little piece of old bread, and maybe some water if we were lucky. By the way my name is Conko Malana, and I'm 16 years old. I think I've been on this ship for like 4 months.. I'm not really sure, because every day feels like a year!

But I think the worst thing is, that I don't know how long I'm gonna be here, or when I'm gonna see my family again. If I'm gonna see them again. Some rich white people sold me as a slave to people I don't know in Europe. So I think that's our next stop. Europe..

My one friend is here to, but he's really sick, and I'm not sure if he's gonna make it. It's so unfair, like I really don't get why I'm a slave, and not as important as other people.. just because I'm black.

I actually got a younger brother. Or he's dead now. He was on the ship too but last week, he got a rat bite on his leg. Hours later, was he dead. The white people on the ship, throw him into the water. I miss him. I miss my family. I miss my friend when he was healthy. I miss my country and my old life. But now my new life begins.. as a slave. A black slave.

 

 

 

General Comments

• Is the overall meaning clear?

  • The meaning is very clear. It feels like the personal thoughts from a person who was on La Amistad

• Are the main ideas developed?

  • She used the historical information to imagine how life might have been as a slave.

• Does the writing reflect the writer’s other classroom language experiences? (What they have read or talked about?)

  • It surpasses her oral manifestations.

• What is your overall impression compared to other things the learner has written?

  • Positively surprised

 

Text Type

• What kind of text is it?

  • It is a fictional first-person narrative based on historical events, given through class.

• Is this appropriate for the writer’s purpose

  • The writer filled out the requirements for text type.

• Has the writer written this text type before?

  • She has written a first-person narrative, but it is uncertain if she has based it on another person's life.

 

Overall organisation

• Is the overall organisation appropriate to the text type

  • The story begins in medias res, which creates drama. She introduces the narrator after a few sentences which create dramatic effect and aligning with the reader, as it feels like a conversation.

• Are there any stages missing?

  • Not really

 

Cohesion

• Are the ideas linked with the appropriate connectives? (These will vary with the text type)

  • Probably (modality)

  • By the way (Adding information)

  • Actually (Clarifying)

• Is there an appropriate variety of these connectives?

  • Not many direct connectors are used, but the sentences fit well together.

• Are the pronouns used correctly? (e.g. he and she?)

  • Yes: I, he, white people

• Do pronouns have a clear referent?

  • Very clear    

 

Vocabulary

• Is appropriate vocabulary used?

  • Yes, we had a focus on adjectives - describing your situation vividly. The adjectives lack in the ending of the text

• Is there semantic variety? (e.g. does the writer use a range of words for example for ‘big’: huge, massive, large, gigantic etc.)

  • Yes, she does, for example, ‘starving’.

• How well does the writer explain the field?

  • Quite good.

 

Appraisal

• Expressing feelings

  • She uses short sentences for emphasis on the horror on the ship.

• Judging human behaviour, from evidence or different perspectives

  • She shows a great understanding of the human condition and seems to have empathy for the slave.

 

Sentence Grammar

• Is this accurate? (e.g. subject-verb-agreement, correct use of tenses, correct use of word order etc.)

  • Yes. She writes in past tense throughout the story and her word order is correct.
     

Spelling and punctuation

• Is this accurate?

  • The spelling is more or less correct but there but there is room for improvement when it comes to her punctuation.

 

Presentation

• Are paragraphs used?

  • Yes, she uses the paragraph pretty good.

• Is the layout clear?

  • The layout fits the story length quite good.

 

 

How could the learner have been scaffolded better?
Before the student had to write this paper, we should have given a genre introduction, so all the students had a better overview of what the had to do doing their writing process.  

We could have shown the student an example of a text, so it would be clear to the student what we as teachers expected of them and therefore make the writing process easier.

At last, we should have given the students a sheet of paper with the main focus point for the assignment, which was capital letters, tense and adjectives.​

We had feedback as a group from our internship teacher (Janet), who asked us after every lesson, “what could you have done better?” so that we constantly had to reflect on our performance as a teacher.

After we had scaffolded the writing lesson, she asked us the same question. We had no problem to see that we had not given the student clear enough instructions, about the assignment ahead. This is a learning process and we know no have to scaffold the students in a way, that leave no option for self-interpretation on how to do an assignment.             

 

Where do you see the biggest problems for this learner and have you got an idea of the reasons?

Information about punctuation. Her written language is so developed that it would be a good opportunity for her interlanguage learning curve.   

 

 

How would you work with the learner in order to match his/her zone of proximate development?
This particular learn would benefit greatly from pairing up with a classmate on a level above her or one to one feedback by a teacher. She has a lot of status in the classroom but she has a high working morale when she is paired up with a student on a high level, and response good to the attention from the teacher.
By using time on this student, she can make an example for the class that it is “cool” to get positive feedback from the teacher.
She would not respond well to explicit feedback because it could effect on her status in the class. A more implicit feedback where you encourages her, would benefit her status and therefore her willingness to receive and work with the feedback.